“This is what my love is like”…..this is what I heard the first time I ever knew without a doubt that God spoke to me. This is a piece of my testimony, but it is really about my father God, and my wife. I’ve never spoken this testimony without crying, and I’m sure I will cry while typing it. In my experience there are some God moments where the emotions never fade.
There was a time in my life when I was struggling with how to go about life in general, and to go along with that I had a lot of pent-up emotions. I was trying to figure how to move beyond the life I had experienced while at the same time trying to figure out how to fit into the life ahead of me.
I knew my wife was going to be different as soon as I met her, and from our first date there’s never been a day when we haven’t been together. However, the early days of our relationship coincided with my time of struggle. So along with my other struggles, I was trying to figure out how to have a healthy relationship. Neither one of us really had anywhere we could draw from on what that looked like.
She was at my house, and I can’t remember what our disagreement was about, but I do remember all of that pent-up emotion boiling. I got so mad that I went out to my garage and started slamming my barbell off of the ground in a rage. I can remember thinking that she would leave and never want to return. That thought sobered me up a little bit, and I put the barbell down. I turned around, and she was standing there. She saw it, she witnessed my worst moment. She stepped to me, wrapped me in a hug, and just said it’s ok, I love you. She had every right, and reason to have responses other than that. It was a moment later in our hug that I heard God say to me “this is what my love is like.” “I love you the same in your worst moments as I do in your best moments.” Nothing in my life has been the same since that moment.
When everybody else left, she stayed. When she had reasons to leave, she stayed. When no one was there, she was. When I was at my worst she loved me. She was the physical reality of God’s spiritual reality in my life. When it comes to living a kingdom first life, God, and my wife are the biggest part of why I am where I am today.
I loved God, and I had always been in some level of relationship with Him, but I didn’t want anything to do with going to church, I had enough bad experiences with that. It was my wife who convinced me to go to a church that she knew about that would be different. There is no chance that I would have ever taught a lesson, preached a message, or even be sharing on this blog if it wasn’t for that moment. If it wasn’t for God, and my wife.
People will tell you that God loves you no matter what, and that’s a good thing. I had been told that many times, and I even believed it. However, when God Himself says that to you in your worst moment, you know without a doubt that it is true.
I’ve said it before, and I will say it again, there are very few things that I can tell anybody with 100% certainty; however, one of those that I can is that God loves you. At your worst or at your best, it doesn’t matter. That’s what His love is like. His love is perfect even when you are not. His love is complete, even when you are broken.
God loves you, and so do I!